Accepting his Destiny
Han comes to terms with a life not of his choosing . . .
Excerpt: The Chronicles of Han Storm: Leilaka
" The guards at the gate hailed me good morning, but I did not give them any heed. As Windshine galloped along the road, I gave way to my dread and heartache, gasping huge, tearless sobs.
When we reached the first woods, Windshine slowed down, telling me that Habieb and Lance were not far ahead.
I now knew why there was animosity between Moira and Merrykara. Moira had instinctively known that Merrykara was not good for me. But what could I do? I was stuck in this play and had to go through with it.
Moira was lying next to Lance. It looked as if she was sleeping.
Habieb sat with his back to Lance's forelegs, knees pulled up, both elbows resting on his knees, his hands dangling a dagger.
He raised his head as we approached. Not saying a word, he waited for me to come to him.
Slipping off Windshine, I woke Moira softly with a Telepathic prompt.
She opened her eyes, just to close them again and I went over to her, Habieb not saying a word, keeping quiet so I could first deal with my Huracan.
*Are you well?* I wanted to know from her. It was not like her to be sick. As far as I knew, Dragons did not get sick.
**As well as you are** she stated, refusing to acknowledge me physically, sulking, keeping her eyes closed, not wanting to see me.
*I do not have a choice* I told her.
**I know** she told me back.
Biting my lip, I tried to keep the tears back, but it did not work and they rolled in huge drops over my cheeks.
"You are too young to deal with adult things" Habieb told me in Bedien. "That is why our Tribe only marry after turning twenty-one years old. Then the couples can address the stresses of having to be in a life-partnership."
*This marriage was for political reasons first and to unite two Kingdoms. It has nothing to do with love* I told Habieb, keeping to Telepathy for I was still crying.
"Yet you stated from the beginning that you love Merrykara. Is this suddenly no longer so?" he wanted to know harshly from me.
I was not going to receive sympathy from anyone.
*I had gone into this contract with open eyes. I will adhere to my end of the bargain. I did not foresee that Merrykara would be the type of personality that she turned out to be. I was not prepared for this surprise.*
"Do you love her?" Habieb insisted.
"Yes!" I snapped back over my shoulder at him. *My heart and my mind tell me that I do. But my soul says that I do not. It is the first time that I had come across this fragmentation of feelings.*
"Fragmentation of feelings?" Habieb sneered. "What are you talking about?"
The tears stopped flowing as I tried to find a way to explain my feelings to Habieb. This was so new to me, so absolutely overwhelmingly different to what I had ever come across in physical life experiences.
Leilaka was such a completely different experience for me.
*On the one hand, I know that I love Merrykara* I tried to explain. *This body of Krish that I now own, that now contains the spirit of Han, which is me, knows that it loves Merrykara with every fibre that makes me a mortal man.
Yet, on the other hand, Han knows that he wanted to re-experience and enjoy the feeling that marriage and the partnership with another brings with it. My spirit does not necessarily need to love Merrykara exclusively to receive these experiences.*
Habieb thought about that before standing up and coming around to watch my tortured face.
I covered it with both hands so he would no longer see the anguish there.
"It is a safeguard" Habieb mentioned, taking my hands away from my face.
Keeping hold of my hands he forced me to look at him. "You said yourself that you have promised to fulfil the duties of Krish. Those in the know forget that you are not Krish, King Dameous, but Han, the Servant of The Creator that He has sent to us to save Leilaka.
You should not take anything personally. Merrykara and Krish might have had a life contract before you came into the picture, there the feelings of needing to share this life with her as Krish.
But Han came along to do other work, promising to take up Krish's Leilakan responsibility as well.
The Council is forcing you into both your destinies too quickly, too soon. You are too young in body and too insecure in Leilakan connection to manage all these responsibilities they are stacking on your shoulders.
Those that know forget who you truly are, for the sake of their traditions."
Habieb was extremely annoyed with the whole situation, showing insight that I had not expected from a Bedien.
He released his hold on my hands and I sat down next to Moira, barely touching her. She inched away from me, coming up short against Lance that refused to budge.
*You said these fragmented feelings are a safeguard?* I prompted Habieb to continue.
"Yes, I suspect thus. Your body contains all that Krish used to be, all the inbred traditions and programmed Leilakan information. It will be in love with a Leilakan, you cannot help but be this way.
But your soul is free to explore and find a proper partner in this lifetime, to love someone for who they are to you. It will not be betrayal to your body, to Krish, if you should find this person that can make your soul shine.
And yes, in spirit you do not feel as if you belong amongst these people, neither Elfes nor Human. I have seen how you struggle sometimes to come to grips with what you consider our inadequate ways of doing things.
You have to remember that we are Leilakans, we are not gods with a wide range of reference.
Coming back to the safeguard; I am sure The Creator is aware of what you are experiencing and is keeping a screen across your heart, filtering only certain experiences to really reach your soul, the rest are to stay here on Leilaka when you leave."
He ran his hand through his neatly trimmed black hair. "I do not know for sure. This is what I feel from my heart. And you should tell your Huracan not to sulk, it really does not become such a giant beast to cry on Lance's shoulder."
Moira growled a warning at Habieb.
Lance stood up, pushing Moira into the earth by placing a leg over her neck. She flapped her wings indignantly for half a minute while Habieb scolded her for shutting herself away from me when I needed her the most.
Habieb instructed me to get onto the sulphur snorting Dragon. "Go for a flight, it will calm both of you, adjusting and balancing your energies, making all these human problems seem obsolete."
After mounting, Lance released Moira and she shot up into the air in a straight line, wanting to make me release her in the vertical ascent.
Twisting and turning like a bucking horse in the air did not unseat me, but made me blend with her, allowing our energies to come into direct contact with Leilaka.
Moira rolled a few more times before starting to glide. I could focus on the earth underneath us.
I felt again like Han, I felt myself and with the return of myself, confidence replaced the timidity of Krish. The feelings of devastation the experiences of last night and this morning had brought about were pushed aside, replaced by a sense of utmost irritation.
By the time we returned to where Habieb and Lance were waiting for us, I had come to the acceptance of the role I had to play within this lifetime, for normal Leilakans.
As King Dameous, I was free to pursue my other functions. I merely had to play the role that was expected from me. "
Copyright © H Gibson 2009-2013 Chronicles of Han Storm